تمرین دموکراسی

امروز انتخابات بورد انجمن ایرانیان دانشگاه تورنتو است. سال گذشته من به عنوان نماینده فرهنگی در بورد بودم. اما امسال به علت مشغله زیاد و کارهای جانبی در رقابت شرکت نخواهم کرد. این یک سال، تجربه بسیار جالب و مهمی برای من بود. پارسال موقع نامزد شدن در انتخابات بورد، هیچ تصوری از این که وارد چه نوع فعالیتی می شوم نداشتم. بیشتر به اصرار دوستانم وارد شدم و برایم یک جور جنبه سرگرمی هم داشت! چند تا وعده غرا موقع انتخابات دادم که حسابی گرفت و رای بالایی آوردم. البته نمی خواستم دروغ بگویم اما خب واقعیت این است که در آن لحظه برنده شدن برایم مهمتر بود. اما یک سال تجربه کار کردن در بورد انجمن، چیزهای زیادی را به من آموخت. یکی از چیزهای خوبی که ما در این انجمن بنیان گذاشتیم این بود که اصل را بر دموکراسی قرار دادیم. یعنی احترام به نظر دیگران. یکی دو مورد پیش آمد که اختلاف نظر شدید بین اعضای بورد وجود داشت اما سرآخر همه تصمیم را به رای گیری نهایی منوط کردند و بعد هم کسانی که نظرشان رای نیاورد با متانت به رای بورد احترام گذاشتند. درس دیگری که من یاد گرفتم این بود که فرقی نمی کند شما در چه سن و سالی باشید یا چه منافعی داشته یا نداشته باشید. در هرحال بعضی ها محافظه کارند، بعضی ها چپ، بعضی ها قدرت طلب، بعضی ها باری به بهر جهت و بعضی ها هم اصول گرا. قصد برچسب زدن به کسی را ندارم اما در بسیاری از بحث هایی که پیش می آمد این جهت گیری ها کاملا خودش را نشان می داد. تازه انجمن ما انجمن خیلی تمیزی بود چون اصلا با مسائل مالی کاری نداشت. به نظر من این تفاوت بین آدم هاست و کاری اش هم نمی شود کرد. مسلم این است که هر کسی فکر می کند خودش از همه بهتر است. اما وقتی پای کار گروهی می شود، دیگر نمی شود تکروی کرد. باید یک نظری را قبول کرد و مطایق آن پیش رفت. در چنین مواردی بود که اعتقاد همگانی اعضای بورد به دموکراسی، مسائل را حل می کرد و مانع از دودستگی و درگیری می شد. واقعیت این است که همه ما در یک دنیای خاکستری زندگی می کنیم. سیاه و سفیدی وجود ندارد. بسیاری از افراد و جوامع برای رسیدن به یک ایدئولوژی، یک خط مشی، یک مکتب که بتواند حرف آخر را بزند و حقیقت را نشان دهد تلاش کرده اند. مهم نیست که این مکتب چه باشد، اما به محض این که یک و فقط یک راه به عنوان راه پذیرفته برای همگان انتخاب می شود، فساد به وجود می آید. تجربه بورد به من نشان داد که راه حل واقعی در اینجاست که نظر همگان را در نظر بگیریم و با رای اکثریت جلو برویم. حسن این کار این است که همگان همیشه فرصت دارند که رای و نظر خود را تغییر دهند یا آن را متحول کنند. هرچند که احتمالا اصول خود را تغییر نخواهند داد.

Motherhood

Today I met with my friend's mother. I am stunned by this woman. She is just amazing. Right now, she is working two full time jobs during weekdays and weekends. She also does shopping, cooks seperately for her son and her daughter, and keeps her house very tidy and clean. She has also decorated her house, making some furniture and household objects. Needless to say, they are so tasteful, delicate, and beautiful. I can't believe she gets time to do all this. Compared to her, I am a lazy girl.
How someone can do so much and be so happy when she relatively doesn't recieve that much? I remeber many women in Iran were the same. They did a lot of things with the least expectation. They hardly got appreciated. I figur the secret is motherhood. There must be something in motherhood that is so great and so strengthening that gives such a power to women. Maybe it is the sense of creation. Even the greatest artists can never create a living thing, but a mother does. She creats a living creature who lives and loves, thinks and works. A woman who is such a big creator, must be so satisfied that she has the energy to do anything.

Lucas is the best

Last night I watched StarWars III. It is such a great movie. A real epic of our time. An encyclopedia of Digital technology and CG characters flavoured with an ancient mythological story line. The story goes back to Anakin who is the father of the twins of the episode IV which was produced 28 years ago. With this film, Lucas ends the cycle and compelets his cinematic manifest. The story, characters and desgins are so authentic and are not elinated by digital technology. In fact the technology is used to tell a human story. I am writing an article on this and will give you the link as soon as it gets published.

Go East!

When I was a little girl, I wanted to go to the unknown lands. I wanted to fulfill my dreams. In the cowboy movies they say: "Go west, young man!" But I thought, if I wanted to find the truth, I had to go east. I planned for a long trip. Walking from the estern borders of Iran climbing the mountains, stopping at every small village, talking to people... the first destination was Afghnestan, the land of some old Iranian cities, Herat, Balkh... but... how could I do that? Taleban was there and I had heard horrible news on how they treated women. I could be captured and maybe killed. So I changed my mind. West was a better option. I came to Canada. Still I love to go east some time, to India. I wish I could spend a few months in India and travel every where. I think I can find the truth somewhere there at a small river or near a spring.

Learning from yoga

I am going to yoga class every week. Yoga's movements work against tension, pressure, and garvity. Yoga teaches us to stay in a position which is not comfortable but is good for our body. Yoga makes us to be more patient and resistant. Today in the yoga class, in idea came to my mind: self-decipline. I have many unfinished projects, stories, writings, editings that all are left aside just because I got excited with a new idea or suddenly felt disappointed about my old idea. I have to learn to get a self-decipline and finish my projects. It might be hard, as doing yoga is hard, but it gets easier and easier once I get used to it. I think this is the only way that I could really control my life and get the results that I want.

آیا من دختر بدجنسی هستم؟ امروز با مادرم تلفنی صحبت کردم و گریه اش گرفت. آخر دو هفته بود که بهش زنگ نزده بودم. سه سال است که او را ندیده ام و فکر نمی کنم تا یک سال و نیم دیگر هم قادر به سفر به ایران باشم. مادرم واقعا دلتنگ شده. پدرم هم همینطور. برای اولین بار شنیدم که صدایش پشت تلفن شکست و از من پرسید: "پس کی می آیی؟" و برای او پس کی می آیی یعنی کی برمی گردی ایران زندگی کنی. مادرم دید واقع بینانه تری دارد و به رفت و آمد من راضی است اما پدرم راستی راستی دلش می خواهد که من به ایران برگردم.هیچ وقت بچه ای نبودم که توقعات پدر و مادرم را برآورده کنم و از این بابت همیشه از ته دل غصه دارم. من آدم موفقی بودم و در زندگی و تحصیل دستاوردهای زیادی به دست آوردم. آمدن به کانادا هم یکی از آنها بود. برای یک پدر و مادر دیگر داشتن فرزندی مثل من می توانست نهایت افتخار و هیجان باشد. پدر و مادر من اما... نه این که خوشحال نباشند اما همیشه احساس می کنم که از ته دلشان راضی نیستند. آنها به فرزندی به مراتب سربه راه تر و عادی تر و کم شورتری احتیاج داشتند. بله... آنها من را واقعا دوست دارند. خیلی خیلی زیاد. اما به نظرم نمی دانند که باید با من چه کار کنند یا چه کار می کردند. شاید هم دارم زیاد فلسفه بافی می کنم... مامان جون، می دانم که وبلاگ نمی خوانی. اما دلم می خواهد بهت بگویم که تو را خیلی خیلی دوست دارم و از این که هیچ وقت درست و حسابی به حرفت گوش نکردم عذر می خواهم. امیدوارم من را ببخشی.

مشارکت فرهنگی

مصاحبه فارسی با روبا ندا را اینجا بخوانید. فیلم صباح از 27 می روی پرده سینماهای تورنتو خواهد رفت. قصه فیلم درباره عشق بین یک زن مسلمان باحجاب و یک مرد کانادایی است. تجربه جالبی که با فیلم داشتم این بود که پوستر آن را توی بورد اطلاعات داخلی در تورنتو1 (تلویزیون کانادایی که در آن کار می کنم) زدم. اول این که همه بلافاصله فهمیدند کار کار من بوده. چند نفری هم آمدند و از من درباره فیلم سوال کردند. همه از این یک زن مسلمان و باحجاب را در یک نقش عاشقانه ببینند خوششان آمده بود. یک جور برایشان تازگی داشت. آن همکارانی که خودشان پسزمینه خاور میانه ای دارند و ازبچگی اینجا بزرگ شده اند هم به لطف پرروبازی های من دیگر صدایشان درآمده و راحت مثلا می گویند که "من لبنانی هستم." این هم مشارکت فرهنگی من در جامعه تلویزیونی تورنتو.

خسرو و شیرین

این هم متنی درباره ازدواج و خانواده در ایران باستان. متن جالبی است. اما آنچه در مطالعه زنان در ایران باستان برای من جذاب است داستان های عاشقانه به خصوص داستان خسرو و شیرین است. در این داستان که اگر درست یادم باشد سعیدی سیرجانی هم در "سیمای دو زن" آن را مورد بررسی قرار داده است، شیرین زنی جذاب، مستقل، و مقتدر است. او به میل خود معشوق برمی گزیند. وقتی خسرو به او خیانت می کند قهر کرده و او را ترک می کند. پس از آن عشقی آتشین اما نافرجام را با فرهاد تجربه می کند. خسرو بار دیگر به او باز می گردد. صحنه های عشق ورزی خسرو و شیرین علاوه بر زیبایی داستانی، نمایانگر آزادی های زن در آن دوره نیز می باشد. نکته جالب این که آزادی جنسی شیرین اصلا از جنس غربی و مدرن نیست. خسرو مانند همه پادشاهان ایرانی دسترسی به زنان زیادی دارد که این موضوع در داستان عشق ورزی او با شکر اصفهانی نمایان می شود. شیرین هم در جای جای داستان نشان می دهد که از این امتیازات او آگاه است. قدرت و عمق شخصیت شیرین و عشق باشکوهش خسرو را تغییر می دهد. آنچه او انجام می دهد ناشی از غریزه زنانه اش است. زنی که شخصیتی قدرتمند و مغرور دارد اما عاطفی و لطیف هم هست. او در جاهایی برتری مردانه را به رسمیت می شناسد و در جاهایی مرد را به زانو در می آورد. داستان خسرو و شیرین پر از این ظرایف و پیچیدگی هاست. چیزی که من احساس می کنم در فمینیسم غربی راهش را گم کرده است.

Identity

When some people tackle the issue of sexuality in Iran, they go directly to the act of sex. They think that by talking openly about sex, they will break the taboos and therefore, they will lead to solving the problems of sexuality in Iran. I disagree with them. I think the act of sex (heterosexual, homosexual, or...) is universal. It is a biologic and instinctive act which has been practiced by all human beings (as other animals) for millions of years. In case poeple have problems with sex, they could go see a doctor or watch a TV show about it (if they are lucky to live abroad) or even study a book (which I have heard now a days are being published in Iran as well). What I find is the main issue about sexuality in Iran, is its attachement to power, gender discrimination, politics, dignity, namous, and all other meanings that comes with it and gives sexuality a whole new dimension. These meanings affect the sexual identity of people. Sexual identity is one of the most important things that every body either man or woman gains and develops throughout the time. If poeple don't have a right and clear idea about their sexual identity, they face with a lot of problems such as lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, and confusion about their role in the society. Iran is a changing society which has a very strict value system about the issue of sex and gender definition. This system is being challenged by the West. Not only Iran, but the Middle East is having the same problem. And this is part of the reason behind Islamism. I think we need to talk about this issue very openly and with a deep understanding of both sides. This is the only way to fully understand the problem and help through solving it.

خب حالا که دیگر از طریق سایت ایرانی بی بی سی عمومی شدیم، بهتر است کمی فارسی نوشتن را هم تمرین کنیم. عجیب است که آدم با زیان فارسی خودمانی تر است اما با انگلیسی حرف های حسابی تری می زند. (یا خودش فکر می کند که اینطور است). بهرحال قول می دهم که دیگر فارسی هم بنویسم. به خدا دلم خیلی تنگ شده برای فارسی نوشتن.

interview

My interview with Ruba Nadda, the director of Sabah is published. You can get the print version at the Iranian stores. The Persian version will be published on Friday.
I am happy with the published version. However, they have omitted the part about her experience of dating a Canadian man and hiding it from her family for four years! I think it was an important point in the interview and very relevent to the subject matter of the film which is the integration of immigrants in Canadian society. I intentionaly put that story in because I knew that many Iranian families in Canada have the same experience with their daughters.

Love is all about sharing

There are a lot of lonely people in Toronto. Whenever I see someone alone, sad, or depressed, I feel so pity. It reminds me of my loneliness days. I remember when I was biking home from school. The weather was cold, I was going to my room in a house with an Indonesian landlady and a Japanese roommate. Unlike my real home in Iran, no one was there to expect me. Nobody was there to ask how the school was, if I had eaten, or how I was feeling. No matter how difficult it was to be in those intimidating classes where I couldn't really get more than half of the content, nobody was there to encourage me. I didn't have much money so I had to work in a store to make some extra cash. My classmates were so arrogant and competative. I didn't really have any friends.

Those difficult days passed. The one thing I learned from those days was that if I wanted to get attention, if I needed some sympathy, and if I expected some care, I had to give it to people myself. Maybe my white classmates were too spoiled or preoccupied to need my attention, but there were some poor international students who were in even a worse situation than me, so I could help them. And I could be there for them. Very soon I managed to get out of the horrible world of alination and create my own little cirlce of friends.

Now I have a great love in my life. Thanks God we both know how to share. Love is all about sharing. It is so hard to break our thick skin of selfishness and self-love and start to love someone else. I hope all the lonely people learn the necessity and the greatness of sharing and start to enjoy the great gift of love.

An Iranian Actor

I have discovered that Jeff Seymour, the Gemini award winner actor of The Eleventh Hour show at CTV is Persian. He is playing the role of Kamal Azizi, an Iranian journalist in the show. You can watch the show on Saturdays at 10:00 pm. He has also played the role of Majid in the movie Sabah which soon will be in theatres of Toronto. I have done an interview with Ruba Nadda the director of Sabah which soon will appear on Shahrvand both in English and Persian. I will also be going after Jeff Seymour to interview him. I would like to know why he calls himself Jeff Seymour and why he never mentions that he is originally Iranian.

happiness

Tonight I was with my dear friend. We were sitting on a bench looking at the sky. Besides us there was a small tree with light green blossoms. The weather smelled like spring. I could see the dark blue sky behind the clouds. I felt safe and comfortable like a child, and I said: "I am so happy."

story

I know I know, I haven't posted anything for a few days. I have been lazy. Yes, because I want to force myself to write a story. I am not sure what it is. Something comes and goes in my mind. I sort of know what it is but it is not really clear. I don't know if I am going to write it in English or Persian. I don'teven know if I have any talent in story telling. I make myself busy with other stuff. I have to finish an interview with the movie director Ruba Nadda, I have to register for my driving licence test, I have to clean the house (it never gets cleaned. I am so annoyed) and I have to make an appointment with my dentist. I don't know what the hell I am going to do... but I will try to write this story tonight. At least I will start it. Just to prove to myself that I can do it. I have waited for so long. I have to start it anyway.... Oh dear God, please help me do it. I feel like I have a baby I have to get it born. But I am not sure what is that baby and how it is going to look like... Am I saying none sense? I have to stop it and start writing my story... yes, I have to....

Women Protection

Last night I listened to a speech by someone from the supreme leader side in Iran, named Hamid Atashi. From all the problems of the country he had picked the issue of "selling Iranian girls to United Arab Emerats". He blamed and insulted almost every one (except for the supreme leader) because of this disaster and asked them how they would feel if their own daughter and sister be sold in the Emerats.
The issue of Namous or protection of women has very deep roots in Iranian culture. For Iranian men, Namous is equal to their identity and dignity. It is not like Cuba that the government puts the girls for Cabarate dancing and prostitution in order to make money for the country. Iranian girls are highly protected.
Iranian feminists have always talked about the restrictions coming with this protection, but I would admit that it also has some good sides. Above all, it is to the emotional favour of women. Every woman wants to be loved, praised and appreciated. It gives her a sense of feminity and attractivity. However, some Iranian men force woman to look inattractive in order to protect them from "other" men!!! I think this attitude gives women low self esteem and make them sexually cold. In modern society, women should be educated about their sexuality and learn how to be a sexual human being without getting damaged. They have to protect themselves physically and psycologically. I find Iranian girls very volnurable against the damages that they could receieve in a sexual/emotional relationship.
There is a lot to talk about... what I mean is that protection is a good thing. It just needs to be redefined and improved like any other meaning. This is how we could keep our Iranian values as well as moving forward towards a modern society.

KFC

Two days ago we did a story on KFC at Toronto 1. The story was about the distinguished Pamela Anderson (!!!) objecting the "animal cruelty" at KFC. We interviewed people on the streets and most of them said that they didn't care for what Pamela says and they didn't eat KFC anyway. That night many colleages at television rushed out to get KFC for dinner. I personally felt like eating KFC after two years of not eating it. Now, it has been two days that we get a great advertisment from KFC. I think they are specifically returning the favour of Tornoto 1 (in cooperation with Pamela Anderson) for reminding people to eat their crappy food. No wonder why the president of KFC asked Pamela Adnerson out to further discuss on the issue!

love

Love... who knows what is the exact meaning of love. All of us have our definition and enterpretations. Every body looks for it but they are also afraid of it. They are afraid to get hurt, to lose, to be dumped to be taken advantage of... But how can you really love when you are afraid? Only kind and hoesnt people can truely love someone. This is what I have learned from living in Iran and Canada.

When I was in Iran, I was afraid of falling in love. Many women were. Love could hurt us, prevent us from progressing, dishounor our family, affect our social status, and make us disrecpectful in the community. In that illusioned society, love was a weak point, something that could make us volnurable and subjective. This is how we oppressed our sexual and emotional needs and this is how we became irresponsible, coward and hypocrite. This is how we leanred to lie, to hide.

In Canada, soon I learned that nobody is afraid of love in that sense. Love is an advantage for both men and women. But do Canadian people truely love each other? They are definitly more honest to each other and they are not afraid of love. I see a lot of good and healthy relationships is here, but sometimes they seem to me too selfish to really fall in love. Compared to them, Iranians are a lot more emotional and selfless.

I have decided to combine the two good things, Iranian emotions and Canadian honesty. It is a hard combination but it is the only way that could lead us to true love...

Nostalgia

I am working for a Canadian television station called Toronto 1. Today one of the producers (he is gay, don't think bad about us!!!) put a picture on my wall paper. It was a beautiful city with nice mountains and high-rises in the horizon. Only a quick look hit my heart. I said "VOW...." He said "It is Tehran!" I suddenly realized the meaning of that strange feeling that I felt at the first place. I said "I miss the mountains!" He said he had the same feeling about the mountains of Vancouver, his city. Then he showed me some pictures of Vancouver. I wasn't really impressed. I know that Vancouver is one of the most beautiful cities in the world but I miss Tehran. I want terrains mountains. I miss terrains smell, terrains pollution, terrains green. It reminds me of one of Shamim Bahar's writings: "Tehran is dirty and impolite. I am dirty and impolite too!" All this would have look luxrious to me at the time, but now I am really experiencing the same feelings. I can't believe that I miss Tehran so much. This is the city I wanted to leave so badly. Now I miss it so badly. I am really confused...